my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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