I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want her autograph on my taint
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
