so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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