Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
