stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
