i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
