There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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