This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
