So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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