yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
