Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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