i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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