if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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