i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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