I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
