she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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