I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
