new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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