so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Found the puke drawer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
