Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
