I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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