i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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