found the other keg... it's in the tree
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
