The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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