I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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