We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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