Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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