speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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