ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
