New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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