She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
