I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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