After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
