When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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