OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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