If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
