so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize