I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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