This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
