I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
