You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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