hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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