My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
