Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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