Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
