I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
