the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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