This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
