you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
