coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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