So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
