i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
