I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
