That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
