HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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