Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize