Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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