grandma shit on top of the toilet
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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