so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
