Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
