so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
