you have to choose: penises or morals?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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